


Lackadaisical Wankfrotting

by seven (sevenpoints)



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 16:56:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevenpoints/pseuds/seven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong>ewinfic</strong> wrote <a href="http://ewinfic.livejournal.com/11150.html">Boners of Death</a> (yes it is as win as it sounds, go read it) and wrote the phrase "lackadaisical wankfrotting" in a comment. Then this happened. Complete crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lackadaisical Wankfrotting

"Is it me, lad, or is your heart not in this?"  
  
John sighed, and tried to pump his hips faster. "I'm doing my best, okay? Look, the fans like rare pairings, so just lie back and think of the kink meme, okay?"  
  
"Well I would if you'd get a bloody move on! Christ, I've fucked tube socks more animated than you."  
  
"God, Simon, I didn't need that mental image, okay? And can you maybe do a New Zealand accent?"  
  
Simon squeezed his hands around them tighter, hoping that the added stimulation would overcome the awkwardness of wankfrotting someone he had no chemistry with whatsoever, but he only managed to chafe them both. "Shouldn't you be thinking of your wife? Is the honeymoon over already?"  
  
"Simon. I like to set  _attainable goals_. Besides...oh, son of a bitch, I'm totally gonna be thinking of you the next time I bang my wife! Fuck! You've ruined sex for me forever!"  
  
"Have I, then? Well, not to worry, no one writes about you anyway. This is the most fictional play you're ever gonna get."  
  
"This is so unfair."  
  
"You realize that the more we piss and moan the longer it'll take for this to be over, right? So come on. Give it me good, Cho."  
  
"Please don't ever say that again."  
  
"Wankfrot me, baby! Hump that apathetic hard on into my orangey pubes!"  
  
"I wish I were dead."  
  
"All right, all right, fine. Close your eyes." Simon did the same, and affected a Kiwi accent. "Yeah, that's it, John. Fuck me, I'm so fucking tall and broad and...I probably quirk my eyebrow when I come."  
  
"Ohgod, Karl. Karl!...No, sorry, I'm still stuck on 'orangey pubes.' Can we not get some deus ex machina in here?"  
  
"Oh, I've come."  
  
"Oh. Hey, me too."  
  
"I think, as far as euphemisms go, 'release' might be more appropriate than 'climax,' here."  
  
"No kidding."

**Author's Note:**

> I read the words "orangey pubes" somewhere and it obviously damaged me on a deep, psychological level.


End file.
